So our drive home yesterday from my parents consisted of the kids playing the “How Things Kill You” game. We had picked up the kids after driving from Swift Current Saskatchewan to Airdrie, Alberta and still had a couple of hours drive left to get home to Edmonton. We were giddy with exhaustion and that’s usually when the stupidity starts.
Have you ever played the game, or similar? Where shall I even begin? Heck, where did they even begin? How did we even come up with this game?
Basically it’s the two of them coming up with all the ways that you can die. ( Oh, my little Goth’s in training, how I love thee.) The Rose will say something like “water bottle” and then Mr Kade will sit in a thoughtful silence for a moment or two. His usual quip for anything that can’t be truly gruesome is “If it breaks, the pieces can slice your jugular!”
Oh, I’m sorry, is that considered gruesome? I thought that my explanation of how inhaling a grain of rice deep into your lungs can result in your lungs filling up with fluid, which is in essence is your own body drowning you and leading you straight to your untimely demise, was gruesome.
That’s right, I came up with how a grain of rice can kill you. And you thought I was a one-recipe pony, didn’t you. Say it with me: ASPIRATION PNEUMONIA.
You’re probably sitting at your computer right now with the same deer-in-the-headlights looks my children gave me, followed by slow, measured blinks of their eyelids and awkward silence. The silence lasted about three seconds, until they gleefully realized that they had a truly disgusting way to die that could be used on anything small enough to be inhaled.
So as you can see, we are way past jugular slices resulting in arterial red blood fountains as a form of death.
In essence, I’m explaining why I’m also writing a cocktail recipe this #ThirstyThursday. Why it’s actually more like a #BloodThirstyThursday. Why Mommy needs to drink. Why I bought far too much bourbon in the States on our last trip there. Why you are getting two for the price of one today, in the form of a cocktail recipe from me AND one from Mike. This is Mike’s gig, yet I felt the need to share it with him. Fine, to hog the spotlight, Gimme gimme gimme.
What I should be doing in actual fact is explaining how Mommy’s day drinking habit is going to kill her thanks to liver cirrhosis, but that’s not as interesting as how an inhaled grain of rice will send you six feet deep. Don’t be a downer, man. Just drink the cocktail.
Speaking of which, shall we turn our attention to this delicious cocktail?
This cocktail too, could possibly cause ( say it with me!) ASPIRATION PNEUMONIA if you inhale it. Try not to inhale, as I wouldn’t want to say I Told You So. Just drink it. Be a politician. You didn’t inhale.
The Pierced Fuzzy Navel Cocktail is of course, the bad ass sister of the Fuzzy Navel. She’s all cray-cray, with her pierced navel and purple hair and she’s a free spirit man, you can’t tie her down.
(She basically has a shot of vodka along with the usual orange juice and peach schnapps, to be exact.)
She’s delicious and boozier, which of course makes it a new favorite in my eyes.
I really have a thing for peach schnapps. Watch out for more recipes using it, because, well, now I have an entire bottle to use up. A girl’s gotta have goals, you know.
Today sees me packing up in a flurry to head out on my Esurance Road Trip to Victoria with one of my best friends since high school. Make sure to follow along, I’ll be sharing tons of photos of course, and remember to enter the Esurance Contest for a $400 Smart Driver Care Package! There is a 4G cellphone booster in that package that someone will be very happy to win!
So without adieu, I am off to pack. If you don’t already, follow me on Periscope ( @kitchenmagpie) because I’ll be sharing a ton of videos there. I might even tackle Facebook Live, I’m feeling all wild and crazy!
Love you more than my liver,
- 1 part peach schnapps1 part vodka3 parts orange juice1 dash grenadine optionalice cubes
- Pour the peach schnapps, vodka, orange juice into a cocktail shaker with ice.Shake, then strain into a glass.Mix in a splash of grenadine if you like ( I know there are some fierce grenadine haters, so this is up to you!)