Fun Times

My Favorite Post of 2010

**I get to do a lot of reminiscing, thanks to having to constantly go back and replace pictures on my site, due to what we now call The Great Website Crash of  2010. This still remains one of my favorite posts ever, I had so much fun writing it. It still makes me snort, laugh, cringe and shake my head at the same time.**

**And maybe by 2012, all the pictures on my site will be fixed. **

This should not even be considered food.

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I can’t give you an alternative to the name of “food”, but rest assured, this is not food. This is something that is in the shape of a loaf of sliced bread, but has enough fake dyes in it to color the roots of your hair if you dare ingest it.

The dyes would seep through your digestive system and end up in your hair, like arsenic.

What am I doing with this in my house, you ask?

One word: Grandparents.

I see all you sage, wise parents nodding your heads and murmuring in agreement. Only a grandparent would bring this into the house. To feed to your children.

Have I mentioned yet that it is not food?

It won’t toast.

Look what happens when it toasts. The dyes burn. Burn baby, burn. How can that be good for anyone?

And here is where I fail as a parent. I was put on this earth to protect my children. To stop them from eating things that are toxic or can hurt them.

So when my son begged me to make him a sandwich to take to school to show the kids, what else could I do, other than make it?

Come on. You KNOW he was the coolest kid in the lunchroom Monday morning.

He may have dyes seeping out of his pores, but he was cool.

I just about threw up thinking about putting the usual pumpkin seed butter on this (protein in a nut-free world, baby) so cheese it was.

How about a close-up of the awesomeness of this sandwich.

Is is too teen-ish to say “barf” at this point? Because really, that is what came to my mind.

And so, my son went to school. And ate it.

****rest assured the remainder of that loaf was thrown out, never to be seen again. I really hope they threw it in the landfill because that won’t decompose on any compost this earth has known.****

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4 Comments

  • Reply
    Pam
    January 6, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    I have seen this bread at the Namao Centre Sobeys in Edmonton as well 🙂

    • Reply
      Karlynn
      January 12, 2011 at 4:39 am

      Did you shudder in horror when you saw it? It’s so amazingly grotesque!

  • Reply
    Karlynn
    January 5, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    It’s from the grocery store Co-Op, which we do not have here in Edmonton. I find Co-Op’s rather fascinating, one can travel to small towns and have “regional” baking, I kid you not. In Dauphin Manitoba, the Co-Op there has EVERYTHING Saskatoon, muffins, loaf, you name it, they bake it.

    This was a Co-Op bread, made by hand and bought by my parents for kicks.

    I find Pumpkin Seed butter in the Organics aisle at Superstore, that and Sunflower Seed butter are staples now for sandwiches. I love that you think the best of me and that I would attempt my own! 🙂

  • Reply
    A Canadian Foodie
    January 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    Hilarious!!! Which SIDE of the family does this creative gene hail from? Obviously, The GRANDPARENTS do NOT read your blog!!! Pumpkin seed butter sounds like heaven! Do you make it? Pass on the recipe… but, a cheese slice? A waxy, processed cheese slice! This is the kind of bread that kind of cheese should actually be nestled in. Did you feel the cheese go limp in your hand at the meer thought of being placed on that bread?
    Probably.
    You’d better call his teacher. She may have the call in to child welfare already!!!
    I am SO SO SO glad you RE-Posted this. I have NEVER seen anything like it and if you described it to me, I would have had NO frame of reference from which to imagine it. It is actually an incredible work of art, really. Whoever made it did a BANG up job getting all the colours and shapes together so perfectly. Someone’s grandma is probably STILL bleaching her nails.
    XO
    Valerie

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