Dear Green Pepper,
Hello, my nemesis for many reasons. Not only are you expensive in the stores to start, and organically grown you are out of my reach entirely, but you also were my major garden FAIL this summer. You are covered in black, unappealing spots that can mean many things, but the main concerns are that I wasted $6 on a plant, precious time and watering, and you taunt me openly with what you could have been. You could have been green and fresh if I had made sure there was sufficient calcium in the soil, oh yes. If I had mixed in crushed eggshells, or perhaps a little Epsom salts, your malady might just have been remedied.
I also could have planted you outside of a container, so your roots would grow deeper and adjust to uneven watering amounts, but I wanted to keep you close, warm and secure. And did you thrive to thank me?
No. You waited until the last moment to all of a sudden burst forth in glorious midnight coloring, ruining my hopes and dreams of not having to pay for organic peppers this summer, crushing my aspirations of crowing far and wide that I achieved that-which-cannot-be-done-easily in my climate; growing large green peppers successfully.
So let me assure you, Pepper, that this is in no way MY fault. It’s completely a sign of your typical ungracious behaviour towards me and your unwillingness to change. Yes, change. I came into this relationship new and excited, and accepted that you might be difficult, but I could work hard and we would be a team, and produce many little peppers together.
I am offically breaking up with you. Until next year.
Yours in perpetual hope,